My first journey across the world

ข้อมูลเบื้องต้น

........... So, no more fear, no more sadness, no more hesitation; I need to be strong and face whatever would happen in my future. I set my position straight and deeply breathed to recall my confidence back. After this moment, I would stand against any problem, any difficult situation and fight with any obstacle that obstructs me. I will smile and open my mind to absorb the many things that I am going to and learn from them. 

เนื้อเรื่อง

             Do you ever think about what will happen to you in the future? Your life could in different direction.  In Thailand, I graduated and got a good high salary job. This might be the highest wish of people. But for me, I was never satisfied with it at all, and it also made me realize that I was wasting my whole life working under the complicated horizontal authority and studying under the appropriated boundary in order to keep the high grade. So, this was the first time that I had decided to do something that I never imagined that I was going to do. One day, I revolutionized my life by deciding to come across the world. It suddenly took my story to a new chapter with unexpected situations. I never thought to come to study at the United States. The most unforgettable experiences happened within the 35 hours my destination. This is the immediately made me face many different feelings, which push me succeed in my degree and speak English fluently in the United States.

            This decision is a brave thing because it gambled with my success and the faith of my family. I started to count date down since I had decided. The time had passed faster than it did before. I looked on the globe and my home was across from the United States. I spent the precious time with my family and friends as much as possible. I pretended to smile for many goodbye greeting without crying, not only for my closely friends but also for my family too. Thus, I spent every single minute partying, eating, talking, smiling, laughing and joking, because one day it might be the best source of my energy for facing with difficulty situation and loneliness.

            Five hours before I had to fly on the deep black sky. The last night in Thailand, the sky was so beautiful because it was filled with billions of white spot lights that I had ignored before. I stood in the high, clear, glass building near the airport and stared at the night life of the capital city of Thailand. It seemed it was never falling asleep like everything was busy and active all the time. It was totally similar for me, many feeling, had happened in my heart. It was a combination of excitement, activeness, enthusiasm, sadness, loneliness, and hesitation, because I could not predict my journey and my life in a different place. I checked everything that I needed with shaky cold hands. I tied to calm down and stayed quietly with myself in the hotel room.

When my parents came in my room, it meant it was time to go. I tried to conceal my tear, so they would not leak from my eyes; I swallowed the bitter saliva deep into my throat because I tried to hide the sad moment. I kneeled on the ground at the feet of my parents, who sat on the chair. I said goodbye to them and asked them please trust me because I will be successful. But after they said it did not increase my confidence but it made me cried like a baby. It was a bittersweet moment. They just said with smooth sound that usual for me but it dug and stacked deeply on my heart permanently. “Even you will succeed or not, you are our daughter” they said shortly but destroyed my patience to hold my tear. I hugged their body that always made me feel warm and safe as long as I could, because I did not know how long it would be until I could hug them like that again. I stood and hugged my lovely brothers too, who always beside me in every situation. I begged them please take care of our parents as well as they did us, and do not let them feel lonely. At that moment, I just realized that I am very sensitive person, who let my emotion control my perception.

It was almost midnight and the Thai airport was so quiet; just a few officers and passengers roamed around the silent area. We went to the airport about three hours before time to fly. Everybody in my group had red eyes and noses; it hinted other people recognized that we were crying undoubtedly. I checked in and waited for the time to pass at the gate. I pretended to be calm and confident about traveling alone. Indeed, my heart beat heavily and the fear was increased double in my mind. I said goodbye to my family and hugged them again without any more tears. When I turn my back to them, I stood straight, head hold high, and confidently step through the gate without any wish to turn my face back.  

My feet lead me to the terminal of my airplane and I sat in my sit feeling empty. I looked out the window and saw the miserable sky decorated by the thousands of stars willing to hold my tears as well as possible. I gave a short answer to my neighbors, who sat beside me politely and gazed the window until I fell sleep. For almost six hours I sat in the same pose. All over the plane was quiet as if nobody was in the plane; I let my thinking go in my empty brain and fell into a deep sleep with a tired feeling. I woke up again with a different feeling like someone hit me in the back and pulled me down. That moment I could feel my heart disappear just a moment before it was hardly beating again, it seemed my soul was lost for a moment and was pulled back with strong power. The air pocket made me realize that I was far from home to another place in order to make a better life. So, no more fear, no more sadness, no more hesitation; I need to be strong and face whatever would happen in my future. I set my position straight and deeply breathed to recall my confidence back. After this moment, I would stand against any problem, any difficult situation and fight with any obstacle that obstructs me. I will smile and open my mind to absorb the many things that I am going to and learn from them.

After eight hours of digging myself up from the foolish blue feeling, I felt like I was woke up again and smiled with myself like a crazy woman, but it was the effective way to regain my consciousness and confidence. It was time to change the airplane; it took about two hours for me to discovered new place called “Dubai”. The first thing I wondered is why the cashier refused my payment? I picked one bottle of water up and looked carefully at the price, then I prepared money for the payment but she refused it and spoke with a difficult accent about something that I could not catch any meaning or any word. I looked at her and tried to pay money by a $100 Dollar bill again. This time, I had a lot of questions that had popped up in my head. Is it not enough? The price of the water was just $1.50, Why?  She seemed to feel annoyed by the robot Asian girl, who stood stock-still and did not understand her speaking at all. Suddenly, one old man gave his money to her and said something to me. I tried to repeat his speech again in my brain. He said “I will pay for you; they do not accept $100 bills”. I hold the water bottle, which the kindly guy gave to me. I tried to smile back to him. I could sense the mercy and kindness from him. I just recognized after that he was one of passengers, who took the same air plane with me. And I had learned to not try to use $100 bills to buy product’s price at $1.50, they do not want to count the change.  

I continued two hours for my discovery after I shamed myself with the non-sense response. I walked through the fancy souvenir shops. The attractive container was the second thing that I wondered about it; it was made from glass and decorated by bright gold. The shape of that container reminded me about the one famous tale “Genie and Aladdin”. I stared at it like I was trying to draw every detail of it and imagine about the tale in my mind. Until, one salesman came to me with a friendly smile. This time I could give good response, and left that attractive container behind with the shamed face. Because in my culture, it is impolite, that I stared at the product for a long time without any intent to buy it.  I looked around myself; I stood in a different place, in different clothes, in different culture, and using a different language. The weird atmosphere at Dubai airport, I found that I was an Asian alien girl because I was surrounded by the Middle-East Nation and American Nation. In that area, I surely was one Asian Alien Girl, but that feeling did not become the obstacle to my eager roaming around. So, I had gone through many shops as if it were my playground. I had found one more thing and that thing is familiar with my culture: “Smiling”. If I smiled to someone, I got it back with friendly emotion. I surveyed my imaginary playground until it was almost time to go back to my terminal to fly to my destination, The United States.

I was so excited that about 14 hours after this moment, I would arrive to my destination. I could not wait to face something different, something to make me wonder, and something attractive to my eagerness to know and learn. It took too long of a time on the airplane but this time was weird. One of my traveling friends, who sat next to me, has the big family. I started to talk because more confident to have conversation with my neighbors on the airplane. One of them is the young women, who dressed up with Middle-Eastern traditional clothes. It looked elegant but it seemed uncomfortable for me. She asked me to change my seat with her. I accepted because the new place was beside the aisle and had more area than my old sit. Then, I chose movie to watch to kill worrying between 14 hours in the sky.

Until I watched the second movie, I chose one of the famous cartoons, which was created by Walt Disney. I sensed the eyes staring at me impolitely, so I tried to ignore the staring but it still annoyed me for over 10 minutes. I decided to find the source of the impolite staring eyes but I found a little girl with the Middle-Eastern traditional clothes, who sat beside me and tried to copy my every move. She set herself as the same as my acting and tried to find the same a cannel that I chose. It made me surreptitiously laugh. Then I tested her again by changing my sitting position, and then I peeked at her and pretended to ignore her again. She changed her pose as well as I did even peeking at me too. Finally, I had found the funny thing to do. I pretended to change my act again and again. The consequence was that she followed me every time. I smiled at her but I received her ducking her face out at me. This time I changed to be “the copier”, I moved to follow her acting every single sitting. I really wanted to burst out laughing but I did not want to harm her feeling. So, I just stifled. Until she looked back at me, we started to talk and shared the monitor to watch the cartoon together. She was a cute little girl, who spoke English with the perfect accent. She wondered me with the smart short conversations that we had along the way to my destination. We ate together; actually she ate my food and snacks. We fall asleep together; indeed, she slept on my lap until I did not have any feeling on my knee. Her mother helped me to take her back, but she did not want to. So, she climbed back to sit on my lap again. I did not know that she liked me, or she liked my soft lap but I let her to do that.

Then, my heart was working fast again, as I would have a heart attack, when the flight attendant told us welcome to The United States. I set myself with exciting sense and tried to imagine my first step on the land of my destination. I looked through out the window and saw the beautiful sky of sun set. I picked my large and heavy luggage before standing in front of the terminal and waiting for the volunteer from my English Institute, who came to pick me up with a bumping heart as if it would come out of my chest.

I sat and waited for the volunteer. I spent my time by looking around to find the paper, which my name or my last name was written on it. But it seemed hard to find, like finding the pin in the ocean. At that time, the airport had a few passengers that came out of the gate. My heart was slowly rhythm and hardly breathed, when I found no clued of the volunteer of my institute. The time passed over 30 minutes and I decided to call the English Institute by the public phone. I do not know if I had bad luck or I got some curse because when I called the officer, he did not answer my calling. I kept calling more than three times and wasted a lot of my coins. I tried to calm down and called my cousin. Again, nobody answered my call. Do I need to sleep at the airport like the movie “The terminal”, which was acted by “Tom Hanks”? No way. I answered to myself. I would not give up. I headed to find the volunteer again and kept looking for my name. It seemed hopeless for me. I could not see any person calling my name or any sign showing my institute. The time passed over one hour and thirty minutes, and the black color covered my dream destination’s sky. It was still beautiful but my heart did not sense it at all.

I sat in front of the airport at the same place that I stood before. I looked far and tried to give positive thinking to my empty brain and did not allow any negative thinking come to destroy my confidence. I went to find something to eat before I would crazy and panic than I was. I stood and stared at the colorful signboard above my head, and read the menu of drink was that unfamiliar for me at all. I went down until I found “Strawberry smoothies”, I ordered that with the black skin cashier girl. She could not understand me so I spoke my order again but she still made more confusing face likes I spoke “the Alien Language”. I spoke again and tried to use my body language by pointing to the item above her head. She still made more confusing face at me, I was very angry because I was tired, hungry and upset with my non-communicated language. Finally, I just said please give me a bottle of water and I paid money by counting my coins and avoiding to use the $100 bill. I drank the whole bottle of water with angry feelings. Yes, I was mad at myself that I even could not order the drink, and how can I survive in this country. I tried to keep my sensitive emotion deep down inside.

I went in front of the terminal again in the same place but a different time, because the time had passed almost three hours. I decided to call the officer again and again, until I was surely that the victim officer, who would receive my messages and notice that I had waited over three hours. My temptations built up higher and I really wanted to splash my anger to someone. I almost went to find some taxi to take me to my cousin’s apartment, which was far away from the airport for two hours driving. Suddenly, one man, who wore the black suit came to me and asked me kindly, I told him about my problem. He tried to call to my Institute officer and my cousin again by his cell phone. But the answer hurt my heart again because of no any sign of answering. He took me walking around and talked with me like he was trying to decrease my temperature and it worked. Finally, he helped me to find the volunteer, who was supposed to show up since I arrived. He was the fat guy, who carried the plastic coke glass, showing the tiny paper that my name was written on. The kindly guy told my problem to the volunteer politely. Then the volunteer said sorry to me. I answered with opposite words that my real emotion wanted to say. “No problem, never mind”. Indeed, I did mind and I was mad like “The Mad Dog” that he let me wait over three hours. At that time, I just wanted to go to my apartment that I already booked. At less, I did not sleep at the airport like the movie.                  

It was totally 35 unforgettable hours that I surely would not delete them from my brain. There might have been both bad experiences and good experiences between my journeys. But it taught me that I need to plan carefully and prepare myself better than this time. I will remember exactly everything and the moments of the nice people, the beautiful scenes of the place, the colorful wide sky, the bittersweet family time, the shame Asian Robot situations, the angry waiting moments and the mad mood of my communication ability at the new land where I will hunt for my dream called the United States.  

.